I believe this journey started two years ago as I was preparing to graduate high school and choose a college. I had wanted to go far away. I looked at New York and Boston, Italy and France. I wanted to get as far away from Madras as I could. I had felt for so long that Madras wasn’t the place for me; that God had much bigger, much greater plans for me. But, when it came time to choose “here” or “there” I chickened out—a theme that has seemed to plague my life since then.
I have felt as though everytime God has called me to go somewhere, I find comfort in my surroundings a greater calling than His. “I don’t want to leave my friends,” “things are going so well here,” “I think I’ve found my career path this time” are all excuses and justifications I have used one too many times. At the end of my freshman year in college, I was incredibly disheartened by not being able to decide on a major. I had always had things figured out, and now it seemed I was the only one of my friends that had nothing figured out. It was hard! At that point I applied to YWAM in New Zealand, not really sure if that was where God was calling me, but I hadn’t felt that Eastern was the place for me. In due time, I “realized” I had amazing friends, wanted to be an elementary education major, and I loved Eastern. While all of these things are true, I believe they had been justifications for living my life the way I wanted too.
This past year at Eastern was absolutely amazing. I was living with three absolutely amazing girls, two of which I am sure will be dear to me until the day I die. J And I was genuinely happy. Besides the occasional offsets from a certain someone I was dating who was no good for me…It was a good year! But, there was something unsettling in my spirit. Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to having it all figured out, maybe it was coming from frustration of trying and trying to figure it out and failing time and time again, maybe (and most likely) it was because God had never intended for me to be at Eastern this past year.
This is something I have learned: God will use any situation to the best and He will make it absolutely as wonderful as you’re willing to work for, but He may have had something better in mind. I regret nothing from this past year; I have loved every moment I’ve gotten to spend with my friends, family, classmates, and coworkers. But, I believe God has called me out of this lifestyle for the umpteenth time, but for the first, I’m deciding to listen.
In March I rented out a cabin to myself for a night. I decided I was just going to pray and fast about what this next year was supposed to have in store for me. While I was sitting in silence, desperately wanting to hear from the Lord, a verse came into my mind—“Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations” Matthew 28:19, a verse familiar to many. When I remembered that YWAM’s mission statement is “to make disciples of all nations” I knew this is what God had planned.
I returned to Cheney with a renewed spirit. Finally I was going to follow through and commit to something! But, as the weeks went by my fear and anticipation grew. The devil fed me lies—“you’re not strong enough,” “you can’t leave your family for that long,” “your friends will move on and forget about you”—the list goes on. And I listened. I didn’t think I was strong enough to leave everyone and everything to travel 13,000 miles to a country I’d never been to before and stay there for 12 months. No way.
So from deciding upon that, to going to Colorado for Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ, and returning home—I realized I couldn’t return to Eastern in the fall. God had called me, and as Josh Wilson says in his song, “I don’t want to wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself, oh I refuse, not to move, I refuse.”
Miraculously, (and by the grace of God, seriously) everything fell right into place. I contacted YWAM Gold Coast (whom I hadn’t been in contact with for over three months) and asked if they still had a place in their program for me (mind you, this was 44 days before the commencement of the program) and I was greeted with unmatchable enthusiasm. They had been praying for months that I would contact them. They were curious to know my story and what had been going on. They wanted me there. And they knew God did too.
From then on God kept opening doors. My parents were able to provide financial support for the trip (costing around $14,000—which, by the way, if you’d like to support me just email me at jesussloverr@gmail.com and I will send you some information about how you can help me to do God’s work J), I was able to purchase a one way flight to Australia for $500 less than the fares we had been seeing, my visa was accepted in the short span of four hours, I was able to contact my landlord with an intent to vacate (God had oh so mysteriously blessed me with a month-to-month lease!), and I was able to withdraw from Eastern with no harm or fowl. Basically, God is SO AWESOME!
That’s my testimony for right now! I will be leaving for Aussie in exactly three weeks from today and I couldn’t be more excited to see the things God has in store and the way He is going to shape and mold me and my teammates and the ways in which He will strengthen my faith.
Basically...I AM SO EXCITED!
